A Trigger Activated; A Weekend Ruined

I woke up on Saturday morning at around 6:50am. I was very tired and wanted to stay in bed badly, as Friday night was another marathon of pains at the shipping depot. But I remembered what was at stake, so I dragged myself into the shower, put on some clothes, and I was out the door and on my way to property Charlie. This morning, I said to myself, I will paint!

I prepped my painting area and poured the paint into the Wagner Power Painter. I turned it on and it made an extremely loud grating sound, as if it was broken or something. So I took it back to Lowes, and then went to Home Depot to get another one. This time, I got the Wagner Power Painter Plus. I tried painting again, and it still made the same loud grating sounds. I couldn’t believe it! They actually made a tool to paint that sounded about as loud as a jackhammer! Not wanting to go to Home Depot again, I decided to try it out and see if I could get used to the noise. The Wagner Power Painter is fucking awful. It has no flow control, so even when I put it to “low” (or “stain”), the thing would still spray wide and thick. There were paint drops streaking down the wall and paint dots all over my hands. And it uses up way too much paint for a sprayer. Piece of shit. Steaming mad, I went back to Home Depot to return it and look for other alternatives. I ran into Ola in the parking lot, who was also there to get a new paint sprayer. We found the Flexio 570, which was almost like the 590 I returned a couple weeks ago, except it was $25 less and lighter. So I bought it. Ola also bought one for himself.

I go to the self checkout and everything is all paid for, right?  Okay. We go to leave and the alarm goes off. I’m a little annoyed but I’m calm. The lady takes our boxes to a machine to de-magnetize it and gives them back to us. I ask her, “Are we good to go now?” She said yes and I go to leave again. Alarm beeps. I’m getting angry, but trying to stay calm. Another lady comes in and uses some stupid handheld thingy on the boxes and gives them back to us. I go to leave a third time and again the alarm beeps. That was it. I was cold. I was tired. I have all these old white people staring at these two mega-black Nigerians like we stole something. By that time, I'd already known I wasn’t gonna get the painting done this weekend like I had hoped. And now this?! I went off. I walked out of the store backwards, yelling “Fuck this! Next time learn how to do your job you fucking bitch!” Even after I left, I was still cursing up a storm. I had lost control. If that woman was standing in front of me at that moment, I... I don't know how far things would have gotten. I'm glad I had enough self-awareness to walk away while I ranted. Ola was laughing and trying to calm me down at the same time, but I told him to go away and then got into my car. I stayed there for a little while because I knew I couldn’t drive the way I was. I realized that my trigger was activated and I lost control. Ugh!

One of my biggest anger triggers is when I feel embarrassed in public. Like the time I had to participate in those bank job fire drills last year. Me hurrying around in my paper security suit getting signatures from all the tenants in the bank job building. I like the bank job because I get to be in the garage where barely anyone sees me, but now I was in public and I felt their eyes on me. I was in a foul mood for the rest of that day, and I knew then that I had a major trigger which needed protection. I stayed at the Home Depot parking lot for about ten minutes. Those women at Home Depot were morons, but there was no reason for the overreaction. There was no reason for me to lose control. Later on during the day, Ola called me and reminded me of all the other things I screamed at them. I was so mad that I actually forgot some of the things I yelled they could do with themselves. It’s… embarrassing to me. I know the circumstances were bad, but I pride myself on self-control and knowing what sets me off. I should have seen what was happening to me and should have given both boxes to Ola to let him handle the situation. My fault philosophy… never fails.

From there I went to the shipping depot and got my butt kicked by the dizzying amount of trucks I had to deal with, along with the snowstorm and the 9 degree weather. I woke up Sunday morning too late to do anything, as my body was seriously tired. I had to shovel and salt property Alpha, and then I went to work. The shipping depot kicked my butt even harder, with the combo of trucks and two sets of dirty, wet, sneezing, coughing package handlers. By the end of the night, I was tired and somewhat miserable. I wanted to paint this weekend and I failed. All the cold sores and the pain would have been worth it if I had accomplished my goals, but I hadn’t and that made everything worse.

My bruised hand AFTER rubbing lotion on it

This is my last week in America before the Nigeria Trip, and I won’t be back until 2014. I would like to get all the painting done before I leave so that I can at least start renting out property Charlie the minute I get back. I measured the carpets I need to buy and will buy the stove before I leave. Even though this weekend was a terrible waste of gas, valuable time, and money, I’d still like to get something finished at that place before I leave.

P.S.: However bad things got this weekend, one thing that made me very happy was how well the Acura MDX handles the snow. It was wonderful! I drove like a normal person and I didn’t slip ONCE! I really hope this MDX lasts until I retire. These winters and snowy roads can make life miserable, so having a vehicle that eliminates that problem will allow me to focus on the more important things I need to deal with.