Friday was the day Nikita Simone came to Smalltown to visit and hang out. I took the day off from the shipping depot and I picked her up at the airport. I wasn’t really anticipating our second official date because I had come to realize that I had messed up. Project Invincible was a failure before it had ever begun.
Project Invincible was based on the premise that I needed more motivation heading into 2014 to get things done. I theorized that my subconscious stressed me to get a girlfriend for that purpose. The major flaw with this hypothesis is that, in order for a man to be motivated by a woman’s love, he has to be in love as well. Obviously that won’t happen with me, so my hypothesis was wrong. But now I was stuck with Nikita Simone, and I’d have to bring her to Smalltown just to let her know we can’t be in a relationship. Ugh, the things I get myself into. I picked her up and took her to a nice Mexican restaurant with some amazing food. There I told her we couldn’t be in a relationship. The long distance and lack of free time due to my jobs was too much for her and the financial drain of a long distance relationship (flight, hotel, dining out, and the day off from work added up to be almost $600) is far too much for me. She understood this and, while we both agreed that things would be different if I were living and working in NYC, we decided not to pursue a relationship. But we had already booked the hotel so we decided to just hang out and enjoy ourselves.
It was extremely important to me that we did not have sex. I knew that if we had sex, I would never be able to end it. It’s too much of a mixed signal to agree not to be in a relationship and follow that statement with sex. We ended up not having sex, but only because I bought the wrong sized condom when I went to Rite-Aid earlier. Her fear of STDs and my fear of getting a woman pregnant destroyed any chance of having unprotected sex. So I spent the night in bed with a bottom-less Nikita in my arms while fighting the urge to run to the store and get the right size. After about 5 hours of this cruel and unusual torture, I finally went to sleep and had made it through the night. My willpower amazed even me. In the morning, we had an awful IHOP breakfast and then I sent her off to the airport. She texted me later on that her flight was cancelled due to Smalltown incompetence, so I booked an Amtrak ticket for her and drove her to the train station instead. She got on the train and that was that.
I’m still very confused as to why my subconscious had the urge to get a girlfriend. I mean, what was the point? It wasn’t motivation. It obviously wasn’t sex. So what was it? Even though project Invincible is scrapped, I’m holding on to Nikita for a little while longer. There’s just something about her that I haven’t figured out yet. Sometimes it seems as if she knew me before we met. Besides all of the mystery, I kinda like her. Not for the model-like looks or her well-to-do background, but because she’s the kind of person I get along with. Brutally honest with a sense of herself that promotes an awareness of the environment around her. When I told her that the relationship wasn’t gonna work, for example, she already knew. There was no wishful thinking or pleading from her. It was practical and simple, the way I believe all relationships should be. She was also the one that recommended the paint sprayer, so she has a lot of knowledge about real estate management that I could use in the future.
I’ll see Nikita again next week Friday when I drop my car off at her parking garage and spend the night before I go to Nigeria. (Shit. I just realized that the trip to Nigeria is next week. Ugh.) I wasn’t going to do this, as I felt it would be taking advantage of an offer she made when the chance of a relationship was better than 0%. But she insisted that the offer was still good regardless of us not having a romantic relationship, so I agreed. At best, I’ve made the first girl “friend” I’ve had since college. We can be friends (maybe with benefits) until she finds what she’s looking for in someone else. I have no problem with that. But I still have to be careful. Some of the texts she has sent after the trip makes me think she believes we can still work out in the future. Examples?
12/07/2013 12:22: And it just suckssss balllsss that your not in nyc… we woulda been an awesome dream team aka power couple!!!
22:03: We met.. due to distance we aren’t able to really give it a good shot… life goes on ya know… anything is possible
22:06: in 2014 I’ll be engaged and on my way to building a great family with a great man… once I put it out into my universe things usually go right along…
22:17: And if your back in nyc perm any time soon… you know how to reach me… ring finger size 5!!! :D You know what it is!
22:22: I’m so serious!!! We would live happily ever after… and have the coolest kids on the planet!!! And laugh and joke and get pissed at the ridiculous ppl that piss us off!! We both get pissed at the same annoying thingsss.. priceless
22:23: And we would make love as much as we wanted tooo!! You know we both have the same xxx mind! Lmao! So I’m saving this text and putting it in the vault
You know, if I lived in NYC and she wasn’t so hard up on having a family and kids, I might have considered taking her up on that “ring size number 5” offer. But she is how she is and I am what I am. There’s only so much I could give up, and I’m not interested in having a family or kids any time soon. I love myself far too much. With my subconscious no longer bothering me about relationships, my entire mind is now focused on 2014 and my real estate goals. Whatever my subconscious got from all this, I hope it was worth it.
P.S.: Despite its failure, I would still like to try project Invincible someday. Maybe when I'm retired and have more time. I am beginning to think, however, that nothing can motivate me better than myself. I have enough ambition for 10 people, so I have to figure out how to channel it without outside help.
P.P.S.: Next time I buy condoms, I'm ordering them online. Rite Aid has this screwed up practice where an alarm sounds whenever someone opens the case to pick out a condom. I guess it's to deter theft or something. It freaked me out and I ended up buying the wrong one. Idiots.
No comments:
Post a Comment