Excerpt from the Social Blog: The Mirror Experiment on Hold (Project MFMA)

After 26 days, I’m FINALLY in the middle of the mirror experiment (Social Experiment #7). Unfortunately, things took a bad turn last night when I tried talking to Marla, two years after I broke things off with her in a not-so-friendly way. This was the text conversation that took place:

Me: Is this still Marla’s number?
Her: Who is this?
Me: Roger
Her: Uh… hi?
Me: Yeah I know… something today just reminded me of you and wonderin how you were
Her: I see... Weird that you still have my number
Me: I keep all my numbers… habit I guess… should I lose it?
Her: Haven’t needed to be contacted in a couple of years… not sure why now... Sorry
Me: Oh, I was just staring at the screen not knowing what to write… and besides I get it… I just wanted to get lunch tomorrow and if you’re still working at that bank, wanted to know if you would join me
Her: Well to be honest I don’t have any interest in looking backwards. So I hope you are well but I’m not interested in reconnecting
Me: Okay… Maybe it’s for the best
Her: For me it is
Me: Yeah I’m not looking back either, it wasn’t very pretty… looking forward too, seeing if anything new can happen
Her: How is contacting a past person part of seeking something new?
Me: What can I say? I’m an optimist
Her: About what?
Me: About us
Her: Us???
Me: Or what we could have been if it weren’t for my health back then
Her: We clearly have completely different perspectives on how things were. It was never going to work. No matter what.
Me: I guess that’s something we can agree to disagree about…
Her: Well there were a lot more problems than your health. And it’s not worth getting into. I want you to delete my number. Best of luck to you but I’m not interested in us being in contact.
Me: Fair enough.
Her: Thanks.

I didn’t even get a lunch? Damn! I guess I have a way with breaking up, but I always have the belief that everyone leaves the door open just a little bit-- no matter how bad things were. And I knew I was going to get some resentment, especially with the way I broke things off. I called her a lot of things and made her second guess herself at every turn. But this wasn't a door with a cheap lock that she had. She had 40-foot brick walls with guns pointed right at my head!

Looking back, I think I did a good job. When I told Sha about this conversation with Marla, he said that I should have started it off slow, emphasizing that I wanted to have lunch as friends instead of “reconnecting” like she put it. He said that talking the way I did after not seeing her for so long made me look arrogant and over-confident. Maybe he was right. I mean, I really burned that bridge with the way I broke things off with her. To start over again the way I presented it seemed as if I was just assuming that she would come right back to me like a yo-yo. Sha said that I should try again but I really don’t see the point. What’s the point of all that work just to get with her for two weeks, and then get rid of her all over again once I completed the Mirror experiment? Besides, Sha doesn’t know the real reason why I wanted her back so he’s giving advice without having all the facts.

Marla finally grew a spine so maybe that’s the good that comes out of this. People like me… sociopaths like me aren’t very good in relationships. After the ambience wears of, the spouse usually begins to notice that everything I’m feeling is fake. Every romantic thing I ever said to her was like something out of Saved by the Bell or some cheesy romance movie. I have no real feelings for her and I never did, so maybe she’s realized that after looking back on our relationship. Good for her. I helped her develop her self-confidence, although I’m almost sure that I won’t see any “thank you” cards coming in the mail. As for me, I’ll have to put the Mirror Experiment on hold until I get the right person. Marla was perfect because she was the longest relationship I had in Smalltown, and getting with her wouldn’t break my rule of hooking up with anyone from work. It would have been so easy for me. Between the fulltime jobs at the bank and the shipping depot, I don’t have the time to foster something new because there’s really no one outside of work. Everyone is somehow related to work, and I don’t have the time needed to go out and meet someone to foster that kind of faux relationship.

I got Amanda’s number the other day but I can’t do anything with it because she parks her car at the parking garage where I work… I have got to stop doing that! What’s the point of getting her number if I can’t do anything about it? Anyway, I’ll start the 8th experiment on Monday. It sucks that I have to put the Mirror Experiment on hold because the information gained would have been immensely invaluable, but I did the best I could.