Hustled By The Best

Before I went to see Hector yesterday, I went to property Chi to see if I could catch Homo Andy at home. I wanted to get his new number and tell him that the pest control people will be there tomorrow between 2pm and 4pm. He wasn’t there so I left a note. Omarion, one of the African tenants living downstairs, was coming home from work and wanted to speak to me before I leave.

I sat down with the Africans and they said that Hanna, who currently lives with them, wants to move into the apartment upstairs once Homo Andy leaves. I assumed her sister wanted to move in, but they said that Hanna wants the place instead. So I said okay, but I knew that wasn’t all. They then said something that all immigrants say: “Can you lower the rent for us?” Fuck! It’s almost as if immigrants are taught to say that exact phrase before the come to this country. The Indians of property Alpha said the exact same phrase! They put me on the spot and I’m never good thinking on my feet . So we started negotiating. My goal was to get them to agree to a lease that was $500 rent and at least $450 security deposit. By the end of the negotiations, they had me thinking that $450 rent and $500 security deposit was a good deal! They… whooped… my… ass. The Africans somehow know that I would very much want them to occupy the entire house so I was at a disadvantage. They said they were in no rush, so I’m going back there on Thursday to try again.

My failed negotiations put me in a bad mood when I went to give Hector the $60 for the deal I came up with in my last post. I looked at the $60 before I got out of the car and decided it was too much, so I made it $40 and went to talk to him. When I presented the offer, he said “My friend, that’s so low! That’s a lot of cutting the grass for just $40? Come on, my friend!” So I added an extra $5 and said “Maybe I can do better deals for you in the future, but right now this is all I can do.” I said that almost exactly word for word. He looked at the money and said, “Okay my friend, I do it. You good guy, man. You good guy!” And that was that. Immediately afterwards, he and his wife left to buy groceries. The “in the future” part of my line was beautiful because, by the time the second mowing takes place, the winter will begin and I won’t need him anymore until April or May. So I lost the first round with the Africans and make a very good deal with Hector.

From now until Thursday I have to think about how I’m gonna get them to agree to $500 rent and have them think it’s a good deal. I already tried half security deposit, but they shot it down quick. I tried $475 rent and they shot that down too. I’m going up against the best hagglers in the business: immigrants. I was always amazed at how my mom would get deals on stuff whenever she’d take me with her to go grocery shopping. She would lay that Nigerian accent on thick and sound humble, and then watch as the seller would immediately give in to her. I’m a novice at this stuff, so I have to think of their situation and… “give them an offer they can’t refuse”.