I purposely relieved Ola early (6am) today so that I could spend more time here at the bank job writing blogs, downloading movies, and researching stuff for Project MFMA. I work here from 8am to 4pm, and then I go to the shipping depot to work from 4pm to midnight. All overtime hours. Merry Christmas indeed!
I’ve been having issues with women recently, especially at the shipping depot. For some reason, women have been flirting with me at that place and it’s driving me crazy. It’s becoming extremely difficult to stay in the background and resist getting into “it” with them. I know that it is usually a bad idea and it can eventually jeopardize my job (and therefore my money), but sometimes I must admit it’s a strong temptation. One woman in particular, a package handler, is giving me major issues. She looks average, but there’s something about her that I can’t get off my mind—and I have no idea what it is. It seems I think about her almost all the time, and when she comes through the security guardhouse I really want to break my rules and go out with her. I’ve tried everything to fight this, but it hasn’t worked as the temptation is getting stronger. I do have one option that I hadn’t thought about until yesterday.
In Project MFMA, I did an experiment in transference. Sigmund Freud’s intended use for the explanation of transference was for human relationships, so I decided to change the use to human emotion. The idea was to attempt transferring the way I feel about something I don’t like to something that I like. In other words, I wanted to train my mind to hate something that I love. I chose chicken wings. I’ve loved wings since I was a kid, so it was an easy choice. For the food that I wanted to transfer my hatred from, I chose oatmeal. Ever since I was a kid I hated oatmeal. The smell and the taste of it always made me gag and want to vomit. For the next 82 days, I trained my mind to hate chicken wings. I would eat oatmeal (throwing up almost immediately), then eat some wings. Then I’d eat wings and oatmeal at the same time. Then I’d eat wings first, followed by oatmeal. I did some other things that were pretty gross. In all instances, I’d be throwing up in the basement almost immediately after eating. The same thing. For 82 days. Finally, I went to the chicken wing shack near the bank job on the 82nd day and my stomach was turning. I forced myself to go inside and order a slice with wings. When the wings were brought out, I sat down and I couldn’t even take a bite. The smell was awful and had to throw up again. As I threw up, I realized that I had done it! Yesterday, I started to wonder: Could this solve my woman problem?
I don’t doubt that transference can work in this case, as long as I set up the experiment properly. Project MFMA has really allowed me to see just what this nutty mind is capable of. The real question is: Isn’t this too drastic a step? I mean, I still can’t stand the sight or smell of fried chicken wings (chicken in general still makes me a little queasy, especially those with bone). I haven’t sat down to figure out a way to fully reverse that transference. The point is that I’d rather not enact a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What if I can’t reverse it, and I’m stuck being retired without any desire for sex? Money but no women? What's the point of having money with no women? Once I’m done with these jobs, I’ll be free to do whatever I want with whomever I wish. So I think I’ll tough it out and try to have sex with broads outside of work, even though that’s next to impossible seeing as I'm either working at my two full-time jobs or sleeping in the batcave. I’ll use transference only as an absolute last resort.
P.S.: I will admit something. The thought of getting rid of one of my major vices is interesting to me. What would my life be like if I was focused ONLY on success and nothing else? No women? Nothing. Just me and my precious ego. Would my ego be enough to satisfy my day to day living? Hmm…
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