Luck of the Witless Handyman

I read my blog from July of this year up until now, and it’s been a very long time since I had any good news financially. I have no idea how I’ve been able to push through all this bad news and setbacks. I was long overdue and it felt really good to finally have some things go my way. Let’s start with property Alpha and the downstairs Indians.

They called me to say that the lights in the bathroom and the bedroom weren’t working. I went over there on Saturday and saw that the bathroom bulbs needed replacing, which I did. It’s normally not the job of the landlord to replace the bulbs, but the Indians are awesome so I didn’t mind. The bedroom, however, needed the switch replaced. Usually when it’s an electrical problem that I can’t handle, I would call a handyman to fix the issue, but I really didn’t feel like spending money this month. So I decided to do it myself. I watched an instructional video on how to replace light switches and bought a switch, a Clipper/wire stripper, some twist-on wire connectors, and a circuit tester. When I got to the bedroom I had no idea what the hell to use them for because I really didn’t understand the video.Turned out that, besides that switch, I didn't really need any of that stuff.

Upside down but a work of art nevertheless

The video also didn’t take into account that I was replacing an old pre-WWII looking switch with a modern switch. I took out the old switch and felt a massive shock through my right arm, which reminded me that I have to turn off the circuit in the basement. Oops! So I took the advice of the guy at the end of the video who said, “If all else fails, you can just connect the new switch the same way the previous one was connected.” I did that, and it worked! With a new switch and a screwdriver I had replaced my very first switch and, even though it was upside down, I didn’t care.I made up some crap about how the new switch couldn't fit the same way that the old switch did. It was a lie, of course, but I think the Indians bought it.


Yesterday I had just returned from work and couldn’t wait to get the sleep needed to recover from working Sunday’s grueling 12 hour shift at the shipping depot. I get a call from those fucking Africans at property Chi saying that “the heat no working.” I swear, it’s like their motto now. So I went over to Chi and saw that both pilot lights were out. I tried pressing the pilot button and lighting the fire but nothing happened. I was so pissed when I had to call Gonzalez. While I was waiting for Gonzalez to show up, I had an idea. I remember Gonzalez telling me that a furnace will not try to work until the thermostat is set at a temperature higher than room temperature. So I set both thermostats ten degrees higher than room temperature, went back to the basement, pressed the pilot button and lit it with my trusty oven lighter. WOOOOSH!! The fire was on and the furnace was whirring again. Since I can’t prove it was sabotage, I still have my Good Guy Trigger aimed and ready to fire. It felt so good to call Gonzalez back and tell him that I fixed the problem. When I left there, I was on a high. Handyman Roger is king!

This morning, my boss at the bank job Sandra calls me into her office. I had to sign a document so that I can convert my remaining vacation hours into cash. I thought I had only 24 hours since I took 2 days (16 hours) off to go to Brooklyn. Instead, there was 64 hours left of vacation left! Sandra told me that, after 3 years, I get 80 hours of vacation instead of the usual 40. That’s awesome, because that will give me about $500 EXTRA in one of my December paychecks. Not to mention that we have training classes next week that we get paid for as well. The National Grid bill was $212, much lower than I had anticipated. The weather is 70 degrees here in Smalltown and it’s beautiful. It’s been so long since I’ve had any good news on the financial side of things, and I’m savoring every bit of it. I love when I’m able to fix stuff and get free money!

Right now I’m getting ready to go to the shipping depot and I have no idea how things are gonna go, but I’m hoping this good news streak keeps going. Maybe I'll come in and find that Annabel got hit by a Mack truck. I remember at the beginning of this month I wrote that post where I cursed myself in hopes of changing my luck, called Ready For the Worst. The idea was that if I get nothing but bad luck when I wish for good things to happen, maybe I will get good luck if I wish for bad things to happen. So far so good. If this keeps going, I’ll have to wish death and pain upon myself every month!

P.S.: I’m not forgetting the underlying issue that there are still furnace issues at Chi. My plan now is to lock the Africans out of the basement and see if the furnace issues continue. Something tells me it won’t.