A Landlord is Born

Africans. Ugh.

Just before I was headed to the second job on Friday, I get a call from Hanna of the property Chi Africans. She said that she has the rent money and followed that with a two minute thirty-two second tirade about how angry they were when they got the letter for eviction. I tried to talk but she really didn’t give me a chance, so I just sat back and enjoyed the lunacy:

Hanna: And it wasn’t necessary for you to give us the court papers! We have been here for three years and we have never been late to pay rent! Now the one time we are late you give us eviction! This is not right! My mother does not deserve that! But it’s okay we have your money you can pick up.

Me: How much do you have?

Hanna: We have the $700 that we owe you.

Me: No, you owe the $700 plus the $35 late fee and the $75 eviction fee.

I knew that would lead to yet another tirade so I braced myself. After another 2 minutes of ranting, she agreed to pay the full amount owed.

Me: Okay, I have to go to work now so I’ll pick it up tomorrow morning.

Hanna: Okay. I won’t be here but my mom will be here to give you the money.

Omarion (shouting in the background): Yeah, and I’ll be here too!!

Hanna’s brother Omarion. That grumpy cock-sucking-wanna-be-tough guy-wanna-be-handyman. He gets under my skin like no other tenant. My first reaction was… you know when someone is about to throw up but they catch it just in time and it goes away? That’s exactly what happened to me. I was a millisecond away from screaming “Put that mother fucker on the phone!”, but I caught myself at “Put” and ended the conversation civilly.

On Saturday morning I went over to property Chi to pick up the money. Knowing I’d be confronting a seemingly angry Omarion, I wrote a letter to Omarion on my phone, getting out all my anger so that I would be completely calm. It's the same theory behind jerking off before a big date. Anyway, I went inside and Omarion did nothing. He only reiterated in a calm tone what Hanna said, about how they feel disrespected by me filing an eviction after they’ve paid rent on time for 3 years. Their mother was especially pissed off, showing me the problems of the house as she doled out the money. She didn’t speak English so Omarion translated for her. She said that I disappointed her and she was heartbroken that I would file an eviction on her when they’ve never been late. She said that she saw me as one of the family. Yeah, that’s what I need: another mother. But wait. I have tenants hate their landlord because they had to pay a late fee? I’m hated? Well… what can I say? Congratulations Roger Dodger! You are officially a landlord!  I left and laughed about it in my car on my way to work. That felt really good.

You know, they did have a point. The Africans have paid their rent more or less on time for the last three years. But Hanna played a stupid game with me. She knew I wanted that paperwork to prove that her mother’s rent was stolen, and I knew they were lying about it. Hanna even slipped up in her tirade when she said, “We thought you weren’t going to fix the furnace.” What would stolen rent have to do with the furnace not being fixed? And didn't they say they were gonna have the rent on the 24th? They made me waste my gas after work and drive to check their empty mailbox that Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. They ignored my calls. They thought I was bluffing. I felt like I was in the Kylie Ray situation again. I’m no one’s bitch, especially not the Africans’. And, most importantly, their tenancy has cost too much money in repairs. What’s the point of having tenants that pay rent on time every month for 3 years when more than half of that money goes for repairs? And I simply don’t trust them.

Remember Knick, who recently moved into property Beta’s upstairs apartment? Well, he was late on rent this month, but only because his girlfriend mailed it incorrectly and without a zip code. All along the way, he assured me that the money was sent, and I believed him. He’s a believable person. I’ve only dealt with him for a month, yet I had better feelings about him than 3 years with the Africans. That says something. It says... for shame.

P.S.: I’m really proud of myself for not getting into arguments with them. I let them ramble on about what they complained about, and then got my money and left. They know what they tried to do. I know what they tried to do. And yet they wanted to pretend like I was the bad guy who didn’t give them any chances. It’s not my concern whether I get a point across to them or win an argument. That should never be the concern of any landlord. Let the mongrels argue all they want. Let them believe what they want. My job is to provide good housing and collect rent. That’s it. Besides, I’m supposed to be hated. Didn’t the news get around yet? I’m a landlord…

P.P.S.: In one on Hanna's tirades, she mentioned that her mother felt so disrespected that she is looking for another place to live. This should make things interesting. I wonder who will be served with a 30 day notice first?