So… um… we had a family conference on Saturday and… um… it was an absolute disaster. I won’t go into it like I did the first time. But I’ll just say that the first conference ended with an agreement that we should try to communicate better. Saturday’s conference ended with the belief that we shouldn’t have conferences for a while. There was non-stop shouting and yelling from my mom Rita, and my sister Rana hung up after hurling some insults. It was a 3 hour 27 minute train wreck, and I still have a headache from it.
The reason why I won’t go too deep into the family conference was because of something a fellow blogger pointed out. I… I suck. This blog that I care about so much is completely unorganized, just like my life. I’m not living up to my potential and it’s reaching a breaking point. I can’t continue to sell myself short like this. What do I mean? Okay.
The other day I was at the shipping depot and I was miserable. My back was hurting again and my co-worker was more annoying than usual. I remembered doing a post that was a rant about working which I felt would help me get through the night. It took almost an hour to finally find that post, called The Great Depression, and I started feeling better afterwards. But it shouldn’t have taken an hour. I should have been able to find what I’m looking for on this blog within seconds. And it’s not just this blog. If I was a high-functioning self starter, that basement apartment would be done in a week, not 8 years. Putting tile down on a leveled cement floor isn’t the toughest job on the planet but, even if it is, I have the Pelcom guys that could do it for cheap. So there’s no excuse. Let’s not forget that, even though Taniqua and Eugene moved in during the month of February, I have yet to create a folder for them in my property management files. Creating a folder takes 2 minutes tops, so what the hell’s my problem?
At first I thought it was laziness, but how can that be if I’m working two fulltime jobs? I think… I think it has to do with not respecting my potential. I know I can do better, but I know that if I half-ass it I can still make it to the finish line… it’ll just take longer. It’s like when I would wait until the last day to study for an exam or when I procrastinate about the smallest task. I’m not living up to my massive potential because my ego makes me believe I can “make do” with what I’m working with. I believe my mediocrity is better than most people at their best. And that belief is what I feel is the reason behind my slothful behavior. I think that I’ll make it no matter what, so why push myself when I believe I’ll be a success regardless of what happens? See... being a pompous ass with a massive ego has its disadvantages.
I’m very thankful that this year seems to be about organizing myself because I need it badly. I have to start getting things done on time. I have to start organizing my thoughts on this blog to make it easier for me to reference when needed. I have to become a self-starter. Believing in myself means nothing if that belief makes me “cruise control” towards my goals. I've pictured what I can be like at my full potential and it looks awesome. I honestly believe that the more organized I am, the faster I can retire, and the better off I’ll be both personally and professionally. Reaching that potential would make me unstoppable, and organizing my life is the first step.
P.S.: I also realized that I put far too many labels on posts. Some have over 10 labels and that makes finding what I'm looking for very confusing.
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