I... I don't know how to start this post. I've been staring at my cellphone screen for the last 10 minutes. I just wrote an entire eight-paragraph post, but I had to erase it because it didn't make sense. I guess my mind is filled with so many thoughts and I'm trying to organize them into coherent and cohesive words that I can type. Today is my birthday. I turn 30 years of age. Everytime I think about my birthday I think about what was my illness and getting older in general. I'm having mixed feelings about this and, with my social blog on hiatus, I get the feeling that this is going to be a long blog.
Turning 30 reminds me of wasted time. Had I not gone to college, I would have been retired by now. After high school, everyone told me that I had to go to college to succeed. I spent five years learning almost nothing and graduated with a solid 2.0 average, which is about the same as not going to college at all. This birthday reminds me that, had I spent that money on properties in Smalltown instead of classes at CCNY, I would be sitting back enjoying myself in my nice big house right now retired instead of writing this blog from my security job waiting to purchase only my third property.
This birthday also reminds me of what I went through with my illness. I remember the depression, confusion, the vomit, the lack of control I had over my bodily functions, and the pain. My mind and memory may be mush, but I don't think I'll ever forget the pain. I remember most of what I went through and how I'm only alive right now because I decided to fight the pain nearly two years after I was diagnosed. After I beat the illness, I was confused. I didn't have a newfound respect for life. I didn't feel like "treating every day as if it's my last". I thought that going through an ordeal like that would help me get rid of my sociopathic tendencies and start living life the way everyone else was. But it didn't.
I used to think that getting older would make me miss being younger, but I have to admit that I rather like being older. Besides, it's very difficult to miss being younger when I can barely remember anything about my past. I was an idiot when I was 20, and I see that whenever I'm around a bunch of 20-somethings. They're pretty stupid. I'm much wiser than I was a decade ago, and it shows with the decisions I've been making.
Birthdays now are only a reminder that I consider succeeding more important than living. I'd rather be a success and do what I want for 5 years than to work to pay bills for 50 years. Being a sociopath only emphasizes that point, as I completely ignore or place very little value on the extras of life, including happiness. Life for me is not about being happy. Not yet. For the near future, I want to make enough money to be free of any kind of "paycheck labor". Maybe when all this is over, I can sit back and enjoy a birthday or two before my illness comes back to kill me. Until then, I got work to do.
It's super cliche, but hindsight is always 20/20. We only know the path we're given and the path most of us are shown is go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, die before you run out of money.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I realized pretty quickly that trading our time for money at a corporate job (or any job like that) is so incredibly limiting. Also, our generation can't rely on our companies to take care of us in retirement. There's a total lack of loyalty on both sides.
So, we also found Real Estate. I think we should consider ourselves lucky having found such an amazing way to make money at a young age. We are part of a mentoring group here in Texas and most members are 40+. We are both around 27 and own 3 rental properties. We've got several partnerships we're also working...
Just stay your NEW path and stop looking back at what should have been. It's great to hear of other young "professionals" breaking away from that middle class mentality! Good luck and happy birthday!! :)