An Ego Never Forgets

I was at the shipping depot last week Saturday working my usually 12 hour shift. I was watching season 5 of Star Trek DS9 with my shoes off and the heater blasting at 82 degrees, and it felt pretty good. I thought to myself: “Wow! I can’t believe they pay me just to do this! I wonder if I can keep this job for weekends only, even after I retire?!” I thought about it for a split second and then I got hit.

At first I thought it was depression but it wasn’t. My ego kicked in almost instantly to remind me of my purpose here. The point of my life right now is to retire early. That’s it. No matter how much fun I have at a job, I’ll never escape the fact that it’s still a job. As long as I follow their rules, I get paid. I can’t take off my shoes. I can’t walk around naked. I can’t take one-hour dumps. I got cameras on me so I can’t workout. I can’t leave the job and come back later. I can’t have sex on the guardshack counter. I have to follow their guidelines in order to get a paycheck. And when I get a paycheck, it means I’m somebody’s bitch.

Once my ego reminded me of these points, I was refocused and I promised never to ask that question again. The shipping depot also blows because all the construction they’re doing is turning the place into a very secure location, to the point where I’m not sure they will even keep a security guard there on the weekends. They make the changes and I have no choice but to adjust. I'm tired of "adjusting". No matter how much a job let’s me get away with, it’s still a job. I have to remember just how much I hate working, even if I get to watch NFL football or Star Trek DS9. I hate being someone’s bitch almost as much as I hate cancer, and I’ll always remember that thanks to my uncompromising ego. My ego is always there to remind me that there is no such thing as being semi-retired from paycheck work, not in my world. I gotta do what I need to do and get out so I can truly start living a month-long-vacations-wake-up-late-set-my-own-schedule-scratch-my-ass-in-public-drive-my-BMW-nowhere-video-game-gluttony-MMA-training-sex-without-rules-say-what-I-want-when-I-want-to-who-I-want kind of life while I still have the time.