Smalltown, NY: Home Sweet Home

So I went to Brooklyn after the shipping depot job ended Tuesday night (midnight), in hopes of getting a good vehicle, seeing my city, and visiting Nino and Brooklyn Mike. If I had known what it was going to happen, I probably wouldn’t have wasted my vacation time and did everything in one day.

By midnight Tuesday I had been working at both jobs for 16 hours, but I wanted to get to Nino’s house to have enough time to sleep, wake up, and look at some cars. By the time I got to NYC, I was dead tired and was swerving all over the road. I drove up to Nino’s house and called him to open the door. He sounded disoriented as he mumbled something and then hung up the phone. I called again and it went to voicemail. I wanted to bang on his door but his mom was home and most likely sleeping. I was gonna call again, but I realized that I felt very much like a bitch waiting outside his house hoping he’d pick up his phone. So I left there and did the car search myself. I had my choice between two cars, both 2003 Acura MDXs. I picked the MDX because of its reliability and its high resale value. The one with the lower mileage (114k, $7200) had a banged up body with some issues, but the seller (who was kind of a dealer) was willing to lower the price considerably and take my GMC Jimmy in trade for way more than it was worth. The other MDX was shown by a dealer who had his own little shop on Utica Avenue. I usually don’t trust cars from Utica Avenue, but the car ran great with minor issues like brakes and a couple tires that need replacing.

After Nino finally woke his lazy ass up, he came to Brooklyn and test drove both vehicles, agreeing that I should get the Utica Avenue MDX (126k miles). Whatever money I would save getting the lower mileage MDX will be spent fixing the body and whatever other issues there are after all. The cost was $7800, but he gave me $500 for trading in the Jimmy. With expenses and all, the total cost came out to $7750. Not bad, considering the KBB value of the vehicle is over $11,000. The car runs amazing, and I finally have a car that matches my ego near perfect. Not as flashy as a BMW, Mercedes, or Lexus, but luxurious and reliable-- and the navigation system on the thing is beautiful. That car is so sexy, I would seriously fuck it if I had to. I mean, I finally have a better car than my tenants! Afterwards, Nino and I went to eat some delicious food from the racist Indian place and finally, after 40 hours of no sleep, I was able to get 3 hours of lovely naptime at Nino’s place. Once I woke, we hung out for a bit and then it was off to Brooklyn Mike’s house. Thursday morning, we had some Lucky Charms, and then some Chinese food before I left. I was supposed to stay longer, but I really wanted to go… home.

Not my actual MDX, but same model, year, and color. I forgot to take pictures before taking it to Wally's Auto Repair for inspection

NYC is such bullshit. The roads are awful and the traffic, even early in the morning, is ridiculous. By the time I got to NYC, I was missing Smalltown terribly. Watching the cops look for any reason to pull someone over to give a ticket made me hate the place even more, as I saw 4 separate police stops on Wednesday morning alone. It’s like the taxpayers pay the highest taxes in the country and all they get in return is hassle by the police, shitty roads, horrendous traffic, and a promise of the same to come. How come I never saw this before? I always said that I wanted to do business in Smalltown and then move back to Brooklyn, but I was dead wrong. The people in NYC are chasing the same goals as I, yet I get less stress, better roads, and less hassle than they. Why the hell would I want to go back to Brooklyn? Driving was awful there as well, but that has more to do with me being used to the easy driving of Smalltown than anything else.

I never thought I’d say this, but I was happy to leave NYC and come back... home. I even missed my dusty batcave. When I was driving back home, I saw the “Welcome to Smalltown” sign and I actually smiled. I’ve never smiled at that sign before. When I lived in NYC, I thought the entire world revolved around the place. There’s so much to do and explore, and I’m so familiar with the vibe of the big city. But like most former NYCers, once I left the actual city and went elsewhere, I realized that the world doesn’t revolve around “the greatest city in the world”. Especially when they rape you with taxes and bullshit to create such an illusion, it just doesn’t seem worth it. Don’t get me wrong, there were some good things about NYC that I saw. The women make themselves look twice as good with the clothes they wear, and it was a welcome sight to see black neighborhoods (mostly Haitian and African) looking awesome because they all go to work, unlike in Smalltown. And Brooklyn has Jews: lots and lots of Jews. Growing up, the only group people I really enjoyed the company of (besides Blacks) were Jews, as they seem to have more in common with Blacks than we’d care to admit. But the cons far outweighed the pros, especially from a financial standpoint.

It was great seeing Brooklyn Mike and Nino again, but having my two best friends in NYC still living at home with their moms didn’t help my bad feelings towards NYC. Seeing Brooklyn Mike’s mom especially brought me down a bit. A woman who was so strong and would always threaten me and Brooklyn Mike to put us in hell, to the point where we actually believed she could, now sits in her room for most of the day and seems either sick or depressed, I dunno which. I hate to see people who were once giants in my mind now reduced to shells of what they used to be, and it bothered me for a bit. The same goes for my dad.

The only thing that saved the trip drive in the rain for me was listening to Guns N Roses to and from NYC. I couldn’t believe that I still know every single word to the Use Your Illusions albums, and I can still hit the high note like Axl Rose. I swear, when I was a kid, I loved Axl Rose and Michael Jackson. They were the only people who, if they asked me to kill my family and friends, I’d say no but would give it serious thought before I refused.

I got out of NYC with a better vehicle and some good food, so I won't complain too much. But besides Thanksgiving, I don’t see myself ever going back to NYC. And, when I do have to go back, I’m taking a plane and a car rental. If NYC roads want to screw up cars, it won’t be my precious MDX. That MDX is so sexy. The more success I have in Smalltown, the more I will consider it my home. Smalltown as home. Never thought I’d see the day when those words would come out of me. Reality’s a crazy one.

P.S.: (12:38pm) Wally's Auto just called and said that everything is good, but I have to fix some things: front brakes and rotors are completely worn out, freon charge, oil change, and two of the tires are worn. Instead of replacing just two of the tires as they suggested, I'm replacing all of them. This is gonna hurt, as each tire is $177 and it's not advised to put cheap tires on an MDX. Total cost: $1600. Ouch! I'm doing it this way because I want to take care of everything now, instead of waiting for later. I expected to spend a lot of money this month, so it might as well be for something useful.