The Ass Crack Game

I can finally put the 80s music away, as my mood has finally evened out. After two months of mental exhaustion, I’m back in my groove and it feels good. No mor cheering up needed, as now it’s back to my Feist, my Paul Simon, my B.B. King, my Nina Simone, my classical music, and my newly discovered Etta James. Beautiful.

You know, I’m not a very sophisticated person. I still watch wrestling and listen to Howard Stern, but my fondest source of immature entertainment has to be dick jokes. Between myself, Nino, and Sha, I go through at least five gay jokes a day. There’s something about gay humor that makes it funnier than most for me. Last week, I was still feeling overwhelmed about all the things I had to do. Sha was also feeling overwhelmed with the amount of vacancies he currently has, as well as trying to keep up with repairs. We complained to each other about these things one day, and I wanted to do something that would help ease our stress and bring some fun back into property management. I texted Sha:

Me: Hey… you up for Ass Crack game?

Sha: Sure. When?

Me: March.

Sha: Don’t remember how to play. Text me the rules.

The Ass Crack game was something Sha and I played back in 2008, about two years after I first came to Smalltown. After the purchase of properties Alpha and Beta, Sha and I would go through countless handymen to get things fixed. Many times, they’d be unkempt overweight guys that would always show ass whenever they bent over to reach something, which always made us laugh. So we decided to make a game out of it. And here’s how it works:

The goal is to snap the best pictures of a handyman showing ass crack. At the end of the month, whoever has the most points wins, and the loser has to buy lunch or dinner. The point system was simple.

Handyman Kneeling and Bent Over: 5 Points
Handyman Standing and Bent Over: 10 Points
Handyman Showing Ass Crack in either of these positions: 10 Points

Take this guy for example.

Let the games begin

This guy came over to install the new stove at property Charlie. I get 5 points because he’s kneeling and bent over, but no ass crack so I stay at 5 points. I tried to get him to check things that he would have to bend over further for, but he would always kneel. Shit! Sha already sent two pictures that has him at 15 points, but there’s a lot of time between now and March 31st for me to catch up.

Yeah. I know. It’s extremely gay. But I'm fine with it. When dealing with what we deal with everyday, one must do what’s necessary to get through it all with a smile. Some people deal by doing drugs. Some smoke. Some beat their wives or cheat on their spouses. Me? Well my name is Roger Dodger, and I take pictures of men’s asses in hopes of a free dinner. What can I say? At the end of the day, the game makes me laugh. I was at the shipping depot last night chuckling to myself at Sha’s pictures. That’s what it’s all about. Do whatever it takes to take the edge off a stressful day. Two fulltime jobs. Property manager. Property Investor. Maniac. Something’s gotta give, and... well... I’ve always been an ass man…

P.S.: I just read this post again and couldn’t stop smiling. The last two months have been nothing short of miserable, and it’s nice to crack a smile for once.