After reviewing my "pros and cons" blog, I can see what my problem (still) is. I like to put things off.
When I was a kid, I would have a really big exam. I wouldn't study until the very last minute, justifying in my head the reasons why it's better to put off studying until the next day. In the end, I would have little time to study, focusing on the main theme and therefore handicapped myself going into the exam. This followed me into college and beyond.
When I was in a relationship that was bad for me, I would put off breaking up in hopes that the woman would change whatever I found wrong with them. It would only prolong the inevitable, and we would break up with things even worse than before. Anytime someone would ask me to do them a favor that required a little work, I would agree. I'd do a certain portion of it, then put off the rest for a later date closer or closest to the deadline. This pattern stretches out to unpaid bills, unfinished projects, and on and on and on. And now is the situation with Laurie.
It wasn't that I couldn't see what the problem was with Laurie staying, because I could have. I even wrote in the pros section of my "Pros and Cons of Laurie" blog that she was a scumbag. I was simply trying to come up with reasons to "put it off" and wait until it's more convenient for me. I tried to hide my laziness and desire to procrastinate by putting up the "advantages" of having a scumbag in my apartment. This cycle is extremely dangerous and I have to stop it immediately.
I can't run a business like this, especially when I'm so close to having 10k. I'm almost halfway towards my goal of at least 20k to buy a 4 or more unit property, and I can't run it like this. Decisions must be carefully thought out, then stuck to once made. Once a decision is made, it must be acted upon quickly, lest there be room for procrastination or second thoughts. So I decided to do a little research on my problem, as I'm sure I'm not the only one. The best place I found have some very good quotes from famous people that dealt with this topic. I will put them as the topic of the next blog. It's safe to say that, along with being a good sociopath, I have another personal improvement task: stop procrastinating. And that starts NOW!
(By the way, I've noticed that, when I get like this, I get a spurt of energy and start doing things that I've been meaning to do. Then, after a while, I stop and go back to the way I was. Next to the quotes, I have to find some sort of exercise that will help me solve this problem.)
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