This was a rough week financially. I had much to do and not enough money or energy to do it. I thought that I wasn't getting enough sleep, but that wasn't it. I wondered why I felt so lazy and I found my answer: I was broke!
This week, my bank account had only two digits in them. $74.80. It was a steep fall from being the ten thousand dollar man a short while ago, and I knew it was gonna hurt. It had me feeling down and I didn't want to do anything but sleep and move on to the next day. For the first time in a long time, I had to check my account to make sure that I could afford whatever I was paying for. That felt even worse. On Wednesday and Thursday, I pigged out. I ate food like a maniac, the way I did last Saturday when I was feeling down. Then today, once I got paid from both jobs, I felt great and did my best ever on P90X: 22 pullups!
In an earlier blog I wrote about how my ego is king, and it controls everything that I do. Well, my ego isn't invincible. It's controlled by my bank account balance. When I have money, I feel as if I can do anything. My ego makes me feel better than everyone else and my energy is up. When my account is low, I feel like garbage. My ego can't justify making me feel better than everyone else since they all probably have more money than me in their accounts.
I'll have to see whether I can do anything about this in my personal blog. I caught this behavioral pattern about a year ago, but never did anything to treat it. I'm not sure anything can be done, as having no money and feeling low is very common, but I have to try and remedy it. The only thing I can think of as a remedy is, well, not to be broke! Oh well... At very least, I know myself a little better.
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