One Tracked Roger

Women. Yeah. This will probably be the longest post I’ve written to date.

Back in July of last year, I realized that I wasn’t taking this real estate business seriously. I made my choice then that I was gonna focus every minute I had towards making money. When someone with my specific “issues” decides to focus on one thing, I end up ignoring everything else. Now when I say “everything else”, that includes women. In the time between my re-focus and now, I’ve had maybe four or five dates, two of which I actually showed up for. It’s like I chase the girl, I get the girl, and then I don’t want the girl anymore. In November I met this girl, Candice. I had always seen her walking around and we flirted a little, and I decided to ask her out that day. She said “sure” and we made plans for dinner at a steakhouse in Smalltown. As time drew near I got bored with the whole idea of going out with her. I kept thinking “This is not gonna make me any money” and “I could use this time to catch up on some sleep”. Finally, it was 6:30pm and I was driving to the steakhouse, when I turned the car around and texted her that something came up and I can’t make it. I canceled everything, and since then she gives me a weird “what’s the matter with you” look when she passes me.

Now another girl is back in the picture, a woman named Melanie. I had known her for years and she always wanted to have sex, but I always declined. She was well-overweight, but my problem was that she has two kids and lives over an hour and a half away. She also seemed to be looking more for a husband and father than a fuck buddy. I don’t like getting into situations with kids so I let it go and we stopped talking late last year. Last Friday she texted me out of the blue, telling me that she was in Smalltown looking for wedding dresses for her adopted daughter and wanted to see me. I agreed and we met at the Chase bank across the street from the bank that I actually work at. She drove up in her Mazda Miata, got out of the care, and I was floored. She had lost a load of weight and looked phenomenal! I was excited and we were texting all weekend trying to find a time to meet up. She was sending pictures and we were talking dirty the entire time. It’s Monday, and I have to say that I no longer want anything to do with Melanie. As beautiful and sexy as she may be, I no longer care. I can’t make any money by meeting up with her, so what’s the point?

The hell is wrong with me? I know sociopaths have one-tracked minds, but to take it this far?? A gorgeous rich woman is throwing herself at me and the only thing I can think about is money? What about sex?! To put it into better context, I would have rather Melanie ask me to come see a cheap property to purchase and make money off of than to come and sleep with her. I want money. My mind is focused on it and that’s all I want. I think it may also have to do with being a security guard. I’d like to retire at the end of next year and then have all the sex I want. Right now, it seems so out of place to be having sex without having anything to show for all my efforts except two properties and two security guard jobs. I’m sure Sigmund Freud has an explanation for stuff like this, but I don’t really care. For me, it’s simply the nature of this animal.

It was Rita’s birthday (my mom) last week Thursday. I called to wish her well, and she finally told me that she was getting remarried to this guy that we used to go to church with. It was weird, but got much weirder when she tried to give an explanation that I didn’t ask for. She said that it was painful coming home and having no one there and she couldn’t stand to be lonely anymore. I told her I was happy for her and then I started thinking. When I come home and see an empty bed, I’m quite happy. I remember being in relationships—we would have sex and then go to sleep. I remember lying down on the bed just wishing she would go away or sleep on the sofa or something. I don’t like to be smothered and I’m now pretty sure that it has to do with my displeasure with my current economic situation. They say that the best relationships are those where both parties are happy with themselves, so maybe I don’t want to be with anyone right now because I’m not happy with where I’m at right now? It’s a thought.

I love women. I don’t understand them and I don’t think I ever will. Smarter men than me have died trying with no success. But right now I don’t see any good variables that can come from relations. Pregnancies, fatherhood, communication and companionship? Not right now, thank you. I remember how hard up I was for a relationship early last year, even resorting to online dating before I came to my senses. I always say that I’m not a smart man and it’s true. The only things I have going for myself is my common sense and my fiery ambition. So if my mind says to focus only on money then that’s exactly what I’m gonna do, no questions asked. People have so many different quirks and methods to becoming successful, so why question this method? When I was chasing ass in Smalltown I was wallowing in debt with negative bank account balances and creditors calling me non-stop. Right now, I have over 20k (combined from both checking and savings accounts) and am less than two months away from putting an offer on my first commercial property. Enough said.