Scorching Sha

Sha and I have been friends for about 9 years now. Ever since my sophomore year in college we’ve always hung out, with him being the extrovert and me the introvert. Everything was going fine until a couple of weeks ago, and now I’m wondering whether the time has come to end things with him.

When Sha evicted the barbershop tenants in his commercial property, he decided to open up his own barbershop instead of renting the space out again. He finally opened the barbershop and told me that I have to drive by to see what the name is. When I asked him to just tell me what it was, he refused and said that he doesn’t want to spoil it. Sha’s surprises are usually never good, so I knew I had to prepare myself. I drove by the barbershop Tuesday night to look at the name and… well, let’s say that I was both amused and offended. The name is a play on my real name (obviously my name isn’t “Roger Dodger”) and David Aceveda, a fictional police captain on one of our favorite shows, The Shield. In one of the episodes, Aceveda was forced to give a blowjob to a criminal at gunpoint. The scene made us laugh so hard back then, but I knew what it meant. It’s an inside joke that basically calls me a cock sucker.

Sha and I joke around all the time. He’s told me that he’s gonna sell me on the streets to pay his mortgages and I’ve told me that I’m gonna pimp him out to hillbillies that will leave him crying fetal position in the shower. One tells the other: “You’re gonna be my Aceveda tonight!” We make those kinds of jokes and it’s all in good fun. It takes away from the stress of dealing with the everyday problems that come with property management. I think the reason why I’m offended by the banner is that it’s a public joke. Sure, no one but us will actually get the joke, but the fact that it’s public and having to see that I’m a cock sucker every time I drive by that street will become annoying. It’s like, it’s funny but at the same time it’s a public joke about me. So I’ll tell him that I want it taken down, and he’ll predictably tell me that I need to calm down and take a joke. And then it will be decision time.

Every year around this time I do something I like to called “Scorched Earth Friend Cleaning” or SEFC. During SEFC, I evaluate the people in my personal life to see if I need to get rid of them or if they should stay. I didn’t do it last year because I was still dealing with Phase Two and the whole credit dilemma. If the person should stay, I leave the relationship alone and it goes on. If I decide the person is a hindrance, I call and pick a fight or I’ll flat out say that I don’t want anything to do with them. It’s getting to be around that time and I’m not sure if I’m really offended by the banner, or if I’m just using it as an excuse to eliminate Sha from my life. When I first came to Smalltown I needed him to show me how things were done and he helped me out. But I’ve learned all that I can from him and, when I eclipse him as far as success goes, I know he’ll either be jealous or start asking me for larger amounts of money than he’s been asking for. In fact, I think the only reasons I’m friendly with him is because of good dick jokes and I want to keep track of how he’s doing financially for my secret competition with him.

Whatever I decide, I’ll have to do it soon. Having the wrong people with me when I succeed can end up destroying everything in the end.



Amortized Loans
Amortized loans are loans that are paid back with the same amount of money each month. Once the interest is added onto the principal, the total amount owed is then divided into equal monthly payments. The percentages of interest and principal paid, however, are not equal. Let’s say that Roger gets a house and the mortgage payment is $600 per month. For the first few years of ownership, the percentage of interest being paid vs. principal paid would be 90% to 10% (I’m being generous). You’re paying maybe $540 a month in interest and only $60 towards the principal. As time goes on, the percentage is split until it’s 50% each, and finally you start paying more principal than interest towards the end of the loan.

I’ve owned property Beta for about three and a half years now. In total, I’ve paid $27,300 in mortgage payments. Out of that money, only about $2,500 has been used to pay the principal, with over $20,000 going towards interest alone. Interest, man. Great for banks, sucks for the borrower.