Sister Rana

Last week Thursday was my sister Rana’s 39^th birthday. Usually, the only time I talk to my sister is on birthdays or major holidays. We pretend to get along but I think we both would rather not speak at all. It wasn’t always like this. I get the feeling this is gonna be one hell of a long post.

When I was a kid, I think I remember my sister and I having a good time together. When she’d go out with her friends I’d go along and we would have fun. As I got older, however, she and my brother really started to dislike me. I was the butt of every joke, to the point where I didn’t even want to smile or laugh at anything because I knew they would make fun of me just so I would stop being happy. I think it’s the whole “youngest child” thing, where the youngest gets more positive attention so they get hated on. It also didn’t help that I wasn’t very bright. After a while, the only thing she would say to me was, “Get your hands out of your pants, Nasty!  (I was a mega fan of Al Bundy)” She also hated me because she thought I was a pervert when she would find the sex stories I would write and keep under the bed. Back then I couldn’t afford Playboy, so I had to improvise. She wouldn’t ever confront me with it but I knew. It also pissed her off because I think someone touched her when she was a kid or something, as she wrote in the diary she left behind when she first went to college. Seeing me as a pervert only made her dislike me more.

Rana went to college where she got a degree in Accounting, then found Jesus and started going to church a lot more. She completely gave up on doing anything with the accounting degree and focused only on church. She would start doing temp jobs to fund her church trips to different countries. That was all fine and good, but then it got to the point where she was focusing solely on religion and ignoring common sense. She would buy a brand new car, default on payments and the car would get repossessed. Several months later, she would buy ANOTHER brand new car just to default on payments again and have that car repossessed as well. When she couldn’t afford to go on church trips, she started asking my mom Rita and dad Roy for money. They said yes in the beginning but began saying no because they saw that she had no real career and that they would be enabling her. She began to really hate them: my father for beating all of us when we were kids and my mother for constantly telling Rana that she needs to get married (and a bunch of other reasons I’m sure). She went to a Christian school and got her Masters in Music or something because she wants to be a singer/songwriter. After living with friends then finding her own place, she lost her job and couldn’t afford to pay rent so she moved in with my father.

Fast forward to Thursday. I was looking forward to speaking with Rana because I was hoping to hear that she finally has a full-time job and is getting her life together. Like most things I hope for, this wasn’t gonna happen. I asked her how she was doing and she went on and on about how she’s tired of living with my dad because he lectures her all the time. Rana is saving up rent and security deposit to finally move out, but is still going from temp job to temp job. She also said that she wants to go to school again for a degree in… hmm, I can’t remember, but it had something to do with her musical ambitions. She’s trying to get a student loan that could pay all her debts and still leave her with enough to pay for classes. Her constant bitching about my mom and dad, as well as her ridiculous sense of entitlement gave me a massive headache and it put me in a foul mood.

She gets to live rent free in her retired father’s house, doesn’t contribute for any house bills, and complains when he gives a lecture once in a while about marriage and fiscal responsibility?! She saving up to move out even though she doesn’t have a stable job to pay rent continuously?! She’s still complaining about shit that happened decades ago?? Really??! YOU MOTHE… okay, let me not do this. Instead of turning this into a rant that I will learn nothing from, I will calmly explain why this angers me for two reasons. The first is that, no matter how bad someone has it, there’s always someone that has had it worse but is doing better. The guy with one eye that collects unemployment would probably get slapped for complaining in the presence of the guy that has one eye, a burnt face, artificial arms yet he owns and operates a jewelry store. I actually know someone like that in Smalltown and, every time I see him, I’m reminded to shut the fuck up. It reminds me of how useless complaining and excuses are.

The second reason is a bit more personal, in that it works for me but I’m pretty sure it won’t work for anyone else. When I found out I had cancer I was pissed off—at life, at situations, at everything. I was just miserable. At the time I was prepared to do nothing about it because I really didn’t care, but I still wanted to shake off the misery and get back working. So I decided to take on a philosophy that I learned but never used: Blame yourself. The concept is to blame yourself for everything wrong in your life. When certain people do this, it’s much easier to move past the obstacle and look to yourself to see what self improvements you can make. Even if it wasn’t your fault, saying that it was makes the answers simple and the remedy the same. I got cancer? My fault, I shouldn’t have gotten it. I got beat up. My fault, I shouldn’t have done what I did. A tenant fucked up the apartment before they left? My fault, I shouldn’t have moved him/her in in the first place. Doing it this way also helps make the individual stronger, because he/she is constantly looking for ways to improve themselves so that they don’t end up in bad situations. The "My Fault" philosophy is also a great way of thinking so that one doesn't fall into that "the-world-owes-me-something" frame of mind that traps so many unsuccessful people. No one owes anyone anything. You make as many improvements to yourself so that, no matter what happens in life, you're as prepared as one could possibly be. Period.

Rana didn’t have the best upbringing, but there are tons of people that have it worse and have made the most of it. Kids have been physically abused by their parents since the dawn of time and have learned to deal with it. Kids gets molested… shit, I was molested. One of my friend’s fathers molested me when I was 8 or 9. I didn’t really care at the time because I was too dumb to know what was going on. Once I found out, I swore that I’d get revenge on him. After I bought property Alpha, I... the point is that I dealt with it and I moved on. It’s fine to be pissed about something that happened in the past, so long as it doesn’t hold one back from their future. Eventually it has to be dealt with in some way, or it’s gonna keep that person at the same stage in their life forever. She could still be complaining about the same shit twenty years from now!

I don’t doubt that everyone is different and some are not as stronger as others, but through the religion she loves and the multitude of friends she has, Rana’s got to find a way to get through all the aged-old bullshit. She should get a stable job in a field that she may not WANT to do (like using her accounting degree for something), but will do just to have a stable job. Then she should consolidate all her debts into one monthly payment. When my father lectures her about her life, she should consider sitting down and listening to his rambling as a form of rent payment. Rana could also pay at least 25% of the electric and heating bills with a secured credit card to start building up credit. In two years she should have enough to move out comfortably without getting into rent trouble again, but doesn’t need the added expense of a car since she lives in NYC and can take a bus/train anywhere! In four years she would have good enough credit to buy a place of her own. And all the while, she can continue doing her singing/songwriting as a hobby until she becomes good enough at it to launch a career in the music field. That’s what I would do. Rana isn’t Roger, I know. But she shouldn’t have to be.