Last night I had a dream. I dreamed that I was going through the same approval process for property Charlie. I saw that all my tenants were driving better cars than me and decided to buy myself a new car. For some reason I chose a Prius. Anyway, as I was driving I got a call from a mortgage broker who said that I no longer qualify for a mortgage because my credit got lower due to my purchase of the Prius. I woke up panicked at that point and it took quite a while for me to realize it was a dream. But it was a dream. I woke up and realized that I was too smart to make stupid decisions at this point. That job, it seems, is reserved for Real Estate Agent 000, Cammy.
I went to Ferrett Real Estate yesterday to sign the purchase offer for property Charlie. Our appointment was for 10am, so I snuck out of work and made sure to get there at 9:50am. Cammy however, got there at EXACTLY 10am. YOU DON’T… wait, let me explain what happened next before I go off on a rant. So she gets there at exactly 10am and starts complaining that she was in a rush to leave the house. Then it took 10 minutes for her computer to warm up and she spent another 10 minutes telling me how her weekend went, as it was her first time going to the Apollo Theater. She finally brought out the purchase offer which I signed, but I had to wait to get my copy because the copy machine needed to warm up. Then another agent came in and they started talking about how they were hungry and skipped breakfast. Then she asked me for my approval letter, which she failed to inform me about before the meeting. Luckily I had brought my laptop with the scanned copy so I emailed the approval letter to her. I asked her if she needed me to sign anything else and she said no, so I left. By the time I left, it was 11:04am.
About two hours later, she called me to say that she forgot to have me sign a disclosure form. So I now have to find the document, sign it, and then scan it over to her. I was miserable after all this crap yesterday, and what does Roger do when he gets miserable? I ate 2 medium extra pepperoni pizza pies in 15 minutes while watching Beast Wars Transformers on my laptop. This morning, I got an email from my lawyer Marvin Wassle stating that the purchase offer Cammy emailed to him was the wrong one. She sent the ones WITHOUT my signature or the contingencies. So I emailed her to send him the correct document, and told her that I had sent the disclosure form that she asked me for. She texted me back saying that the form I sent wasn’t the one she was talking about, which means that there are MORE documents that she forgot to have me sign that I must now go through the process of signing. While all this is going on, Empower is waiting for my documents to start the loan application. I have everything except for the fully signed purchase contract, which Cammy is screwing up royally. Okay, can I rant now?
FIRST OF ALL, YOU DON’T SHOW UP LATE TO A BUSINESS APPOINTMENT!! I’m a moron and even I know that! Showing up on time is the exact same thing as showing up late, because it took her extra time to get everything ready. This is why it’s an unwritten rule to make sure that one shows up at least 10 minutes early to a business meeting. It shows professionalism and that a client’s time is valued. If she had done that, I could have been out of there 5 minutes after I arrived! Next, she never told me to bring anything, just that I need to sign the purchase offer. She had said nothing about the approval letter and, had I not brought it, she would have had to wait even longer. And finally, I asked that animal if she needed me to sign anything before I left, and she said no. She even THOUGHT ABOUT IT before answering my question! With a purchase offer, the seller is supposed to have his side completely filled out so that, when a buyer signs the contract, there's no need to go back and forth on signatures. And now I have to go through all this headache just because she’s an unorganized dumbass??!
I remember looking at my phone after she said that she forgot to have me sign something and thought, “Man, I’m surprised no one has at least tried to shoot her.” I can’t take this much longer. It’s one thing for me to be dumb, but it’s an entirely different story when it’s someone else. I can’t control her stupidity, so I’m forced to be a victim! I swear, I really wanted to go to the store yesterday, buy one of those peanut-butter-and-jelly-all-in-one bottles, drive over to her house, ring the bell, wait for her to open the door, and throw it right in her face! I can’t believe how dumb she is, and I may have to say something. I’ve been professional so far, but I know myself. Eventually I’m going to snap. I’ll have to try and control myself because, as much as I’d like to snap on this worthless feline, I have to remember that I need this deal. I mean, REALLY need this deal. Property Charlie is the one that starts my road to retirement, so I’ll do my best to restrain myself. For now I think I'll have Marvin Wassle deal directly with her. Once this is over and property Charlie is all mine, I will unleash hell.
P.S.: I’ve decided that, from now on, I’m changing Cammy’s name to Prius. It seems fitting.
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