Ego is King

It looks as if all is well with Rita. She simply forgot to call and extended her trip until this Sunday.

My ego is the single most important thing in my life. It keeps me at a certain level of class and restrains me when I'm about to do something stupid or "beneath me". It keeps me focused on what I have to do and makes me see the futility of doing anything that won't make me money.

I bring this up because I've decided to stop doing Match.com. I started to see that all I was doing was talking to women to show them that I'm good enough for them. My ego kicked in after a while and I started hating them, then hating myself. I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not ready to make someone besides me the center of my life. You have to be ready to share and, to be quite honest, I'm not ready or willing to share anything with anyone. I still enjoy the idea of being with someone and sharing experiences, but the reality of it seems to take too much from me and my always dependable ego.

I started to wonder whether or not my ego is really necessary and if it's preventing me from beautiful things. My conclusion is affirmative to both questions, and I can experience the "beautiful things" when I no longer have to work and have free time. Right now I need my ego to get me through all this work. My ego allows me to believe that, in one way or another, I'm better than everyone else. And there's nothing wrong with believing that you're better than everyone else. The wrong comes when you say it out loud. Humility and ego working hand in hand. That's my "beautiful thing" for now.